Every time I see someone carrying a tray...

I think of you. I always think that it would be so much fun to just knock it out of their hands. I could bolt, what would they do? I'm almost certain that's the kind of shenanigans you used to get up to. I remember my shoes that you used to borrow, and inevitably return with holes in them. Or my jacket you borrowed and brought home ripped with blood on it. I can't remember if I always found it this funny.

I remember when I pretty much pulled an all nighter to go see you in hospital. I remember that letter you were going to give me, but that I never received. I remember the time we went to get a tattoo and I laughed at you for being weak, then cried at the pain.

Remember new years, where I was driving and you threw that bottle of cruiser out the window because you were finished with it? Having flame grilled scallop sushi at liverpool. Sitting on that John St corner waiting for you/Rob to finish up work, and pounding each other on that same punch buggy driving around the block. Laughing at the stupid pranks we played on each other as kids when we weren't talking to each other.

Do you remember taking hot dog for a walk when you visited me at Epping? Those birds that started swooping at him and you freaking out? Remember when we found out about how dad was adopted and you laughed so hard you tipped the chair over?

Man, I miss you so much. I wonder if you realise yet that I lost you long before that car accident. I thought I could wait it out, that when you realised, we could hang out again. The thought never occurred to me that this wouldn't be an option.

Most of the time, I think that none of this really matters. That when some one dies, the world continues on without them. Then there are times like now, where it all hits me again. There are so many things that I wish I could share with you. It occurs to me that sure, the world continues, but it's different. The world is not the same without you in it. That evening, almost 4 years ago, the world changed and it won't ever be the same again.

Just wanted to say that I miss you.